I am a Ghost

I am an invisible specter that exists in an unfamiliar world. I am not truly seen or heard. I do not fit in nor have I ever felt a true sense of belonging to anything, family or friends. Now I've made many friends that I like and for the most part favor me as well, I only assume. Also, I do have a family that I believe loves me. However, I seem unable to truly internalize those feelings in a rational way. My evolution internally, has been one of isolation and indifference. Everyday it seems as though I am losing touch with this world, insanely hoping that I can find my way back to the one of which I belong. Stuck between to worlds/times or just mentally unhinged?
Juxtaposed the chaos swirling in my head is the dead calm that is my waking life. I suppose the unrest which consumes my mind can only be balanced and or rationalized through the tediously mundane rituals that I engage in. The control that I wield can only be measured through the daily routines that I keep. I believe it's my way of sanitizing the unruly nature of my inner being. What I am, or what I perceive myself to be isn't what I allow others to view. I am strange. I am weird. I am warped. I am an acquired taste. All of which tend to off put others. If I am allowed to be myself, I will truly be ostracized. I will truly be alone.
I really am not sure where I am going with this particular posting. As I write, my mind continuously self edits. I am lured off onto tangents. My mind races in a cluster fuck of ideas and or rationalizations as to my current state of being. What I do know is that I am disengaged with a world that is feverishly slipping away from me. I am lost in my own mind. I am paralyzed by my own fears. I am losing hope that I will ever make lasting memories. I will be forgotten. I will be forever be a ghost.